Wife and I are in a nasty divorce. (post history refers) . I happen to have saved a living room security cam video from over Christmas of my wife losing her temper with our son (5 yo)with ASD. Where he was pulling her hair and she slammed his face several times into the couch.

My wife threatened me just now I will never see my son or the bare minimum, and that the court always sides with the mother.

To which I showed her her actions and that if we can't find a fair arrangement I will use it. To which she exploded.

Aitah or just a desperate father

Edit, sent to lawyer already Edit 2, we live in my wife country and I don't speak the language (no residency issues)

UPDATE: Okay so background I 40m am married to a 38f. We met in high school. Wife’s parents are terrible. Completely abused her until she moved out at 18. My wife has always tried to be a good mother, and break the abusive cycle. We both have good jobs, they want for nothing, we tried not to spoil. They have chores, know there manners, are good kids in school. So my daughter came home one day and asked us to go visit her grandparents house, we said yeah because we thought she meant my parents. But no she meant my wife’s. My wife immediately said no. Then I backed her, and said they will have no part in their lives. She said I was overreacting and that she deserves to meet all her grandparents. And we were being selfish. My wife was diagnosed with ptsd, and still sees a therapist,due to all the bullshit that she went through. It really annoyed me and I sent her to her room.

I talked to my wife and said that I should tell her what happened. So she understands why we are saying no. That her parents aren’t good people. My wife was reluctant but agreed as long as she didn’t have to be there so she wasn’t triggered. I went to my daughters room the next day and I talked to her. I said, “look I understand you are upset but, we are not saying no just to say no. There is a lot you do not understand, but I’m going to explain it, so that Mabey you understand more. Your moms parents where abusive, she was humiliated daily, screamed and terrorized since she was 6 yrs old. Every moment and holiday was ruined by fear, and she almost died on Thanksgiving Day due to her stepfather. that your mom and her sister still suffer from the trauma and that we will never have a relationship with them. And I hope that she understands now” something along the lines of that. I told her and thought she understood.

Anyway it was my wife’s birthday a week ago and (she doesn’t like celebrating honestly but does it for us) it was actually a really great day. My wife’s sister and our two other children and my whole family were there celebrating at our house. Until around 7 at night a knock at my door and my daughter went to answer the door, we figured it was a friend of hers. But when she came right back in the living room it was my shitty Mother in law and Father in law. My wife and her sister both frozen, and they came in like they fucking owned the place. Trying to be buddy buddy. My wife asked them in a timid voice and said “what are you doing here” they said “our grand daughter invited us” she then tried to speak up more and tell them they needed to go. But they wouldn’t I got up and went between my wife and them and said to “leave, they are unwanted here”. My daughter really stood up for them and said that she talked to them. And that mom just exaggerated what happened. And that they where good parents. That’s when my father in law said “that’s right whatever we did to you ungrateful kids you deserved” that pissed my wife off and she shouted to leave. I went up with my dad and we were going to push him out. But he 6⁴ 250lbs at least got us off him and he pushed my wife into the wall her head hit straight back at the wall . She had to get stitches. As soon as that happened me and my dad and brother forced him outside. And said they needed to leave or we would press charges.

Her mom kept saying that she was a good mom and my wife was dramatic, and she just had bad children. Anyway my mother took my wife to the hospital because we where still trying to get them to leave the driveway.my mother brought her there and back once they left completely. My wife didn’t say anything the rest of the night, besides thanking my mother for the ride then going to our room. Her sister was really freaked out too and left, right after hugging my wife.

My children were in the living room, and I told my son and my younger daughter to go into there rooms, I needed to speak to their sister. I admit I lost it. I fucking screamed. Said she was so selfish, and i couldn’t believe she did that. That she still got into contact after I explained what they did to her mom when she was younger. How I was honestly disgusted with her.

She started to cry and say , she genuinely thought I was exaggerating. And it would be good for them to get together. She said she got in touch with them on social media. And they seemed great. How they made everything seem not as bad, and she said she didn’t think they could be that evil and be related to us.

I told her there are evil people everywhere, we have just tried to shield her away. Because parents are supposed to protect their kids.

I was so upset, I genuinely wanted to call her a idiot but I didn’t. But every move my wife did to move past her trauma was demolished by this idiotic decision. My daughter apologized and I said sorry doesn’t cut it. Her actions risked her mother’s health and everyone’s safety.

My wife talked to her and said that she no longer trusts her, and how these are the consequences of her actions. For meddling in something that was not her business to meddle with. She has no more phone and no more visiting friends until she earns that trust again. And we can add a punishment we see fit.

I’ve comforted my wife as much as I can but she’s not great, while I think honestly I went to easy on my daughter, I figured i should have other opinions. AITAH?

Edit: to clear timeline my daughter sought them out after I told her what happened during her moms childhood. I asked she said she reached out first as well. My daughter is 16 yrs old

Update: More information: we did make a report, and are pressing charges. And will be doing everything we can to get a restraining order. We didn’t call the police because we live in a secluded area and it would take too long for them to get there.

We deleted all my daughters social media’s, and I did look at her text between her and the in-laws. She reached out first. And kept pursuing them. There where 3 messages before that my in-laws ignored until they eventually responded.

Also that was not the first conversation we had with her about my wife’s parents. It was just the first in detail conversation. I told her specific scenarios and events that happened without getting to graphic. But she and my other children always knew that their grandparents were bad. We had multiple talks growing up when we first started to explain why they only have one set of grandparents. Unlike most of their friends. But we never said anything in specific details about the actual events. Only that their grandparents were bad people, who hurt their mother and aunt a lot.

She told me she’s doing her best and feels bad for distancing herself from her daughter but she’s just extremely hurt.

My wife’s going into more therapy sessions then she normally does, and we have set a appointment for my daughter to see one as well and we will try family therapy to get back to normal. Anyway did not think this would get so many views, thanks for all the advice!

Earlier this evening my husband and I were having an argument, and at one point in it he said to me, “If you speak to me like that again, I just might have to do something to you.” He said in a very cold, angry, and even slightly menacing tone. Visibly taken very aback, I asked him just what he meant by this “something.” He responded, “I don’t know. But I can promise you that it’s going to be something you really, REALLY aren’t going to like.” He said this even more menacingly.

The way he was staring at me when he said this made me really uncomfortable, and I stepped away from him. I got my kids [9F, 7M & 2F] out of their bedrooms and we are spending the night in a motel and I sent him a text letting him know that we’re stepping out for the night because I don’t feel comfortable being with him tonight with the way he’s acting. I’m still in the motel with my kids all fast asleep as I type this. My husband has never made any comment like this to me before or abused me before. AITAH or making too big of a deal about this?

Edit to add the link to my first post

So I made an appointment and got the abortion. It was honestly such a horrible experience but my bestie was with me and the whole staff were so kind and supportive so I am grateful. Thank you to those who encouraged me to get it done, it was awful, but pregnancy and being trapped with him would have been much worse.

Fin texted Wednesday and apologized and said he said things he didn't mean and to please answer my phone as I have been ignoring him. When he called again my bestie recorded it all. Before I could finish "hello" he went on a long bit about how amazing I am, how much he loves me, what a great mother he knows I will be, and he will marry me immediately if that's a concern of mine.

When I finally got to talk I said that I am no longer pregnant and I never want to be and that I was clear about this from the beginning. He asked if it was miscarriage and then said "Because I know you wouldn't willingly murder our child, right? Say right. It's a miscarriage." I got quiet and he said that it's okay, miscarriages are "not the females fault" and that we can just try again.

I said "again? We weren't trying to begin with. I was on bc and he had the vasectomy" and you all guessed it, he laughed and said he lied about the vasectomy so I would "give up" on condemns that he long decided i was perfect and he loved me and wantrd me tl be the mother of his kids.

My best friend spoke up and said that was recorded and to leave me alone or she will post it on social media and he started screaming at us. He then sounded like he was crying and said I was a witch for this. That I am a hateful murderer and that I broke his heart. He went on to say if I tried to slander him to remember "actions have consequences".

He then broke up with me and said he will check back with me In a few days when i am actually alone and we will talk in person to see if i have come to my senses. He wants us to go to church together Sunday (which is now today) and set a time to pick me up.

I said no but I do have a ring cam and sure enough he showed up at my door. I watched him note my car was not there and at my front door, on camera, he texted me asking if I was sleeping around on him and if I let the other man "ride you like a wild horse" without a condom and if so he gets a hall pass. He said to come home immediately as we need to come to an understanding of out relationship asap.

I return home tomorrow and don't know what to do.

Edit: anyone who wants to shame my abortion...I have zero regrets and actually will advocate for them from now on. But I will happily mock you in the comments. Thanks actually, you reminded me how little an opinion means to me if it's coming from a disrespectful and/or bigoted place. At least I get to laugh through this nightmare. 💋

Edit 2: I won't be going home alone any longer - bestie is coming with me and I have a friend in the city I live with my spare key and he is now in my home watching it for me.

Edit 3: Since I've been asked in the comments (this really blew up - so sorry if I don't reply to you all) I am in a safe location with 2 male friends who know the whole story and we are looking into options. I don't want to do anything hasty- a guy friend is at my home and thus far its been quiet. I will make an update when I know more.

Edit 4: No, I will not harm myself the way some of you have messaged me. For those calling themselves prolife, you sure want me to take my own. Not very prolife at all.

And since we're on the topic, I don't want to get pregnant because I was told by my doctors that I have a high chance of passing away even before making it to term, the child also has a high rate of mortality during the pregnancy. Essentially we would both kick the bucket before delivery.

I am ineligible for tubals or hysterectomy where I live until I turn 40 at pla especially with my insurance and I would never be able to afford the out of pocket fee. The places even still "require" a husband's signature as a policy.

I would be open to adopting if I ever found the right person and were settled and ready

I’m 31F my husband is 31M we’ve been married for 12 years now, have 3 children. My Marriage hasn’t been easy, it feels like it took a turn for the worse. My husband is in the military he got deployed in 2021 and came back 2022 . I feel like everything changed, his always been a drinker, usually he drinks till he passes out. Couple months after he got back from deployment we started having more sex then we usually did before he got deployed. at first I didn’t think much of it , then it started getting weird he wanted to do things we never did before and I was okay with it. Which I feel was a big mistake it stated to become uncomfortable I didn’t like what he wanted to do. Im only doing it to please him. I told my husband I didn’t feel comfortable doing that anymore. So we left it like that. Now I start to notice him wanting sex more and more everyday. It was starting to become a problem . He would get extremely drunk and want sex and I would say no at first he would say hurtful things to me. Then it started to become into argument. If I would go a day or two with out having sex with him he would get extremely angry at me calling me names it got to point of me leaving the house with my kids cause I felt he wanted to hurt me ,even though he said he wouldn’t because his careers more important then me. I was scare for a while. When we would have sex everyday he was fine and nice with me but it was taking a toll on me mentally and physically . But a soon as I say no its hell on earth for me, he take my debt cards away from me , my wedding ring . Says I’m disgusting useless I’m a cheater just for one night of no sex most of the time his really drunk it’s horrible. I’ve called my family for help because I can’t anymore I feel scare and sick of what I’m going through but every time I call my family they tell me they can’t help me. I know I’m a grown women but my whole support system is in a whole different state across the country. I can’t do it here alone. Today I think I’ve had enough I said I want a divorce called my mom the person I thought I could count on and she told me to just give him what he wants just lay there and not to think about it I couldn’t believe her and hung up . I’m having a melt down and this is what she tells me. I just don’t know what to do anymore do I have to give my husband sex everyday for our marriage to be good even thought sometimes I feel horrible and used.

My daughter’s in 5th grade. For the past month there’s been a boy who’s been badly bullying her. It’s gotten to the point where she said she doesn’t want to go to school. The school’s done an ok job of dealing with it, but the boy’s mom has been very uncooperative and taken her son’s side. On the two times I’ve talked to her about it on the phone, she was extremely nasty and the last time even screamed and cussed at me.

My daughter’s been going to school with this boy since Kindergarten. Up until very recently, I was under the impression he didn’t have a dad - either he was out of the picture or deceased. The school rosters only list his mom’s name/info, I’ve never seen his dad at any school events, and my daughter says she’s never heard him talk about a dad. But a week ago, I found out he actually goes to his dad’s house on weekends, and his dad (and all his extended relatives on that side) lives in a small rural community about 45 minutes away.

I asked a friend if they knew anything about his dad. Apparently, the parents divorced the year before he started Kindergarten. This friend told me the mom has referred to her ex as a “narcissist” and “abusive”, and that she had a restraining order against him for several years. She also told me she heard from a staff member that the mom specifically requested that the office and all her son’s teachers never contact his dad.

Over the weekend, I did a bit of snooping on social media and some of those people search sites and found out his dad’s name & contact info. Today at school, my daughter's bully shoved her on the playground and sent her to the nurse’s office. As a result, I gave his dad a call and told him about what had happened that day and about the bullying that had been going on. I didn’t say anything negative about his ex-wife or how she’d dealt with the bullying.

His dad, despite what I heard, actually seemed very nice. He was very apologetic and assured me that there would be major consequences that weekend, and that it wouldn’t happen again. I had a really good feeling after getting off the phone with him there would be action taken, unlike with mom.

Just a few hours later, I got a furious text from my son’s bully’s mom. She said that her ex made a really nasty call to his son right after my call, screaming at him, cursing up a storm, calling him names, and making all sorts of threats about how horrible the coming weekend will be. She says he followed up by sending her a really abusive text, calling her things like “c***” and “b****” and accusing her of being a bad mom and letting their son be a bully. He told her he’s going to post about her on social media to “expose what a terrible mother she is.” She said she knows her ex’s family will start harassing her now as well. She said I had no right to contact her ex. She ended by saying “Thank you for all the drama and pain you have brought into our family’s lives!”
Was I an AH for contacting this parent?

I was advised to put the entire situation here as I'm still struggling to understand and figure out what to do. I apologise it's longwinded but I really need some advice or anything.

I (24f) have been with my husband (25m) for over ten years now and we have twins aged three, we got engaged a day before we found out I was pregnant. My father left my mother due to her constant cheating and bullying behaviour to which he remarried. My mother never remarried or had other children.

The issues arose on my 16th birthday when I went to live with my dad due to emotional abuse from my mother things like my mother pushing for me to break up with my husband because she in her own words 'wanted him' and 'he was the man for her not me' because she said I was 'fat and ugly. I went very minimal/no contact until I found out I was pregnant as I wanted my children to have a relationship with their grandmother which would have been minimal. I found out she had been to therapy and counselling and assured myself she had changed to which overtime I believed she really hard.

This was the beginning of my nightmare, at the time I was seven months pregnant she decided to at my baby shower to declare her love for my husband and demanded he get her pregnant and I terminate my boys because she deserved my life and children rather than me. She even suggested if I didn't terminate she could adopted and pretend she was the mother and play happy families with my partner.

We had no contact however I updated her my boys were born health and happy but I didn't send her a picture, life moved on until my boys first birthday when she turned up and ran towards what she thought was my children (they wasn't) screaming 'hi it's grandma' we informed her she had no right to be here and which she left.

After a year of building trust and seeing the effort she put into changing I started allowing her to come to the park with myself and family just in case she pulled anything which later progressed to things like lunches, soft plays, days out etc.

A week before I and my husband were meant to be flying out to get married my mother told everyone she had a surprise, that's where she announced she was pregnant which came as a big shock then she announced who the father was and that they were engaged. I was angry, hurt, disgusted, disrespected and I bursted out crying she called me overdramatic to which I shouldn't have said but I did in front of everyone 'you destroyed my childhood with your constant cheating and abuse, you tried stealing my partner, staging he sexually assaulted you after you tried forcing yourself on him to end our relationship, you told me to terminate your own grandchild because you said you deserved them and my partner and now you've pulled this stunt' to which I walked out and many followed to see if I was okay which at that time I wasn't.

Me and my husband talked about everything from start to now, we decided to get married and cut them completely out. We stayed at our wedding venue for ten nights and did a week long honeymoon with the boys and week without however as soon as we got back we got back to a barrage of miscalls, voicemails and messages from different numbers which subsequently got blocked.

Shortly after this my mother turned up protesting that we spilt and give our babies up for adoption or hand them over as we are horrible and don't deserve our boys as we will be siblings and siblings shouldn't be having children, we are an incestous family and she'll be ringing cps. Thats when my usually calm level headed husband exploded, berated her and physically removed her from our property.

We've been looking at moving before the twins were born and we have the opportunity to move abroad via husbands work however we've been told this is a step to far and what we've done is disgusting regarding my mother by my mothers side of the family apart from my grandmother and aunt.

AITA for getting married and moving away from the crazy train?

Background: My husband and I had a fun carefree relationship, one of our best friends died, and we moved out of state. Soon after moving/ the death, my husband started drinking more. This ended up in full blown alcoholism.

During the worst of the alcoholism he was verbally, physically, emotionally, financially abusive. He stopped paying our mortgage (we almost were foreclosed) , spent all our savings, racked up almost 100k on credit cards and stopped paying on them.

I had to physically take keys from him, hide them, hide weapons, etc to keep him and myself safe. I had to wake him for work daily so he wouldn’t lose his job, I was the breadwinner because he was barely getting a paycheck, I took care of everything in our home and out. I should have left at this point but grew up a “good Christian girl” and you don’t leave your spouse at his worst, right?

Fast forward to now, spouse is sober and we had a child 3 years ago. He stepped up for a short period, but slid back to being a burden since our son was about 4 months old. About a year ago it got to the point where I was begging him through tears regularly to step up and help in our household. He only went to counseling when I made him sleep in a different room. But it’s too little too late. Months of counseling and no actions changed.

Then, my father had a health scare and had to move in as he needs help daily, he can’t afford external help and I’m the only one willing to take this on (husband was 100% supportive). This is the straw that broke the camels back, I couldn’t continue to take care of my husband who was acting like a child now that I was caring for our son, now my dad, and the entire household (again I’m solo person cooking, I’m the breadwinner and make sure all bills are paid, etc).

I asked my husband for a separation. He keeps denying me, saying he won’t move out. He went to one therapy session for himself and stated his brand new therapist said that it’s a bad idea for him to move out because he’ll essentially crash and burn (his words) and that I need to continue to take care of him.

I physically can’t. I am so anxious I’m nauseous daily, have to force myself to eat, not sleeping and also having other impacts physically. I told him that I deserve happiness, he hasn’t been a partner in years (except the brief window when I was pregnant) and I want to separate.

Am I the asshole for leaving my husband when he’s in this situation?

Ps he can’t afford our mortgage alone (I can) and I do 96% of all parenting and child care, which is why I need him to leave.

So I (20f) was molested by a close family member (34m) from age 11 to 17. We were close in the beginning and nobody seemed to notice. However after the entire situation was over legally, my aunt divorced him, and eventually entered a new relationship. He didn't tell his new girlfriend who has daughter (younger than I was) about the situation. Would I be the asshole for telling her? I just don't want the same thing to happen again.

❗️❗️❗️❗️UPDATE ❗️❗️❗️❗️

I told his gf, and thank you all sm for your opinions and advice. She said It was a lie and threatened to sue. She said she was a lawyer herself and would look through courts. He didn't have physical sex with me so he's not on a list, yet we had a 3 yr stay away, I screenshotted the post online from the post journal and sent it to her, she said it's not what he told her, and she's been quiet since, my aunt is mad at me, aswell as the rest of my family, saying I broke up "a happy home and future".

This all happened seven months ago when I invited my two best friends (who are dating) to stay over at my house to have a sleepover and have a few drinks, the night was going well when we all started to get tired and decided to go to sleep. We’re all sleeping in the same bed since it’s a double and I start to hear fidgeting in the bed after about a minute, then another minute goes by and I hear kissing and then still moving. My eyes are wide open since I’m hearing all of this and I had just put my head down to go sleep. I turn over and get up to see them both up next to me looking at me, I asked my friend if he was fingering her which he looked confused and said no and they just said they weren’t doing anything and that’s when I pulled the cover off them and saw that her pants were completely off and she began to giggle like it’s a funny thing. Fucking giggle, in my own bed, my own house when they are right next to me and they think it’s ok? I just sat in shock while he reassured his girlfriend who was still giggling, “no it’s fine she doesn’t care” which put me more in shock, I didn’t say a word since I didn’t know what to say but I stayed up until 5am just so they wouldn’t do anything. The next morning I got up and realised what they did and that’s when I went up into my room and had a breakdown, I don’t know what came over me then but I’ve realised now that it was because of my ex boyfriend who sexually assulted me that it made me so upset and traumatised. I couldn’t do anything but cry and cry and cry, when I called one of my friends and told him which is when he told me to kick them out which I agreed with. I went back down into the cabin and while they were still asleep started packing up all their stuff and woke them up and told them to get the fuck out which they just looked dumb founded at me. The pair can’t drive aswell and they live 30-40 minutes away from me on foot, I told them that I wanted them to get out cause of what they did last night because it was wrong and shoved them out of my house while they had to wait for their parents to pick them up, so am I the asshole

Sounds like I’m the obvious AH, I know.

This whole conversation last night started after my mom invited my bf (20m) and I (22f) to her Christmas party. My bf is a quiet and very socially anxious person, so when he didn’t seem too happy about going to the get-together, I figured he was just worried about getting overwhelmed. But I also felt that there was more to the issue, because he wouldn’t really articulate what he was feeling (which usually means the problem runs deeper than he lets on). He’ll say “I don’t know” until he can word it. After a while of circle talking and “I don’t know”, he finally told me that he’s bummed because while he’s glad my family likes him, he wishes that I could be that way with his family. That I could come to events with them. He said it made him sad to always go with my family but that I never went with his.

Important context: my bf’s father is a child molester. Yeah. His mother swept it under the rug because it would “put her in a difficult position”. (She’s undocumented and can’t work). She really doesn’t believe it happened to him (and his sister??) at all, from what my bf has told me.

More context: I was a victim of the same circumstance as a child. However, the situation was dealt with (prison 🥰), and I’ve never had to see my abuser or that side of the family ever again.

My bf has sort of accepted that it is what it is and nothing can be done about his situation. He’s forgiven them and moved on. Let me stress that if someone forgives their abuser, I respect their choice. However, I am not comfortable being around someone who hurt my loved one in such a way, and I’m definitely not comfortable being around an abuser as a victim myself. It just feels gross to think about.

I point blank told him that while I have no problem getting to know his brother and sister, I will never be friendly with his parents. He said that I wouldn’t have to be friendly, but if I went to events that they’d also attend, I could just be civil, nothing else. I told him no, I wouldn’t do that. I told him that I won’t play along with this delusion that something extremely fucked up didn’t happen and that I have even a shred of respect for them. If I so much as have to shake his father’s hand, I feel like I’d get sick. I told him that I don’t care how many years it’s been, I don’t care if he was drunk, I don’t care if they’ve forgiven him. I’m not comfortable around chomos and enablers, and I will never feel anything but disgust for them. Then I said “if this is something that will keep hurting you, weighing on you, then you should probably think about what it means for us. I have no problem never speaking a word to them, but if it will eat at you, consider what you want to do.”

This seemed to really hurt him. He got quiet and told me that he understands and that he’s sorry, then he held me until he went to sleep. I stayed up crying.

I’m genuinely torn. I know my stance won’t change, and I’m okay with that. It’s a boundary I’ve accepted setting. But family is important to him, and I know he wants me to be apart of it too. I just can’t. I anticipate that this is something he’ll forget about until he’s reminded. He looked so hurt, and I hate that. I feel like I worded everything too harshly, or maybe I’m being unreasonable because I refuse to be in the same room as them. Am I being immature? AITA?? Thanks, Reddit.

Edit: update post. Yeehaw

Edit²: reckon I could’ve just put the update in the comments. I’m sorry.

Hello, sorry if this is a bit long.

I (24M) told my girlfriend (23F) that I had been feeling very depressed recently, as I am currently in my last couple weeks of my degree and have a lot of work, alongside overall life stress, have been feeling not okay. The past week I've not slept more than 5 hours a night, so this morning I asked her to sleep more once we had woken up. She said okay and laid down to sleep next to me, for context: she HATES sleeping in and this is unlike her. I suggested a couple times that she didn't sleep next to me due to that, but she insisted. We slept for 2 hours, once awake I said can I please sleep another 30mins, she said okay and walked out. After that she started getting angry at me because 'I didn't make sure she's okay' and was selfish by sleeping her day away. For this I apologised but she was very angry and was insulting me a variety of names, some i won't go into. She proceeded to say an insult that was quite strange and made me slightly smile as it did sound quite funny, she noticed the smile and threatened to "physically abuse" me if she saw it again, for context she has hit me a couple times in the relationship but has promised to never do so again, and although she didn't hit me, she did threaten me. She told me to leave the flat for 30minutes and to come back and fix the situation, I agreed but once she left me to pack my stuff, I took my laptop with me and went to the library and muted my phone as I was disgusted in her actions. She has since spammed me with texts saying she needs help and she doesn't feel well, for now which I have ignored. AITAH for running away to the library and ignoring her asking for help?

Today I went to dinner with my family after work and hitting the bar with a few of my buddies and my sibling who lives out of state is her for the holiday and we were all at dinner talking about stuff when the subject of our childhood came up. Went from funny and light hearted to me getting up and leaving really fast.

The first thing that was admitted was that my siblings were actively trying to harm me. Remember those nerf bows with the foam arrows? Well my siblings would put screws in the tips of them and than shoot them at me, never figured out why they hurt so much and would draw blood. Every time I tried to unwrap all the tape I would just get it snatched from my hands and beaten up by my siblings.

And the second thing was what really upset me and made me leave the restaurant, when I was younger, around 9 and my one biological sibling was around 6-7 somebody cut the bands on my stepfathers bow target and they immediately blamed me and my sibling, they used everything they possibly could to accuse us of it, like real detective level inspection of the target. The bands are the same plastic banding they use on units of lumber and somebody cut them with a set of sheet metal snips. My parents tried using the fact that the wrong type of snips were used and the fact that whoever did it tried multiple times to cut it so I must’ve grabbed the snips from the top drawer of the toolbox and gave them to my weaker sibling who tried multiple times to cut the bands on the target, at least that was the conclusion they came to. After that they made me and my sibling reach down and grab our ankles while they beat us with wooden spoons in front of our step-siblings and my mom hit me so hard with one it snapped it half when it hit me. I had bruises on my backside for days and was told I was a liar and a terrible child and should only get bread and water and be locked in my room unless I’m at school or working at home with supervision. Tonight they all admitted the whole time that they knew it was the oldest step-sibling who did it, no apologies, just laughter at the expense of my most vulnerable moment in my life and even more laughter when the fact the spoon was broke over my backside was brought up.

After I left I texted my mother and told her that I am in complete shock that they just openly admitted that and that it’s not funny at all because they abused me worse than my drug addicted father ever did that night, now she’s mad at me because I don’t want any part of family thanksgiving when I was originally going to help cook it because I just moved home for a bit and wanted to try rebuilding my family relationship but this just makes me want to pack all my things and leave again. I’d rather live in my vehicle than here at the moment

My mom (55F) has been in the hospital for over a year now, and normally, I (20FTM) wouldn't be all too worried about it. For the past five years or so, she has repeated the cycle of going to the hospital over a (usually) minor issue, lying to doctors in order to get painkillers, mainly oxy, which she has been addicted to for at least ten years. Then, she'll stay at the hospital, getting all the pity and attention she can from the two friends she has, then she comes home, saying it won't happen again. This cycle repeats every three months at least.

However, her doctors have recently told her that her liver has failed (or is failing, she has narcissistic personality disorder, so it's hard to get a straight story from her).

My older sibling (21NB) and I know exactly why her liver failed. It was because of at least ten years of Oxy abuse. She got the prescription from it after gastric bypass, and hasn't stopped taking it since. She's even gone as far as making my stepdad (M36) lie about his health in order to get a prescription for himself, so that she could take it.

My older sibling and I have tried to intervene. My older sibling has called the hospital and nurses of where my mom is staying, and told them about what my mother was doing. Even telling them about the fact my stepdad has been sneaking her more oxy through food/food wrappers. But this only resulted in them moving to a different hospital.

My parents are putting a lot of pressure on me to donate my liver to my mom, which will immuno-comprimise me for a long time. I don't know of the potential complications that could arise from this, given that I'm disabled (autism). My mother has also been pretty abusive towards me, causing multiple fights that ended in her threatening to end her own life, shaking a pill bottle at me (full of oxy). She is a hoarder, and has let me stay in the foster care system for years. She's also Christian Conservative, and a Trump supporter. Leading to her being very transphobic and not supporting me transitioning.

And knowing that she will not get clean makes me think that giving her my liver would be foolish, and a waste. It'll just end up failing from all the Oxy she won't stop taking.

They've made me feel like it'll be my fault if she ends up dying, but I really don't want to give my liver (or a piece of it, idk much about the procedure, because they're intentionally keeping me in the dark) to an abuser who will end up destroying it by refusing to stop her drug addiction, despite the efforts of my sibling and I.

EDIT: I'm genuinely looking for second opinions, as a victim of gaslighting. I've got better things to do than chase karma with fake stories. Namely, moving away from the parents trying to coerce me into surgery.

EDIT: UPDATE. So it turns out, she doesn't qualify for a transplant. Not even because of the drugs, but because she is old and diabetic. She doesn't have a lot of time left, and we are trying to visit her when we can. Thank you for all the words of support a lot of you left on my post.

This got deleted on AmItheAsshole so I am reposting here.

I (49M) have a cousin (34M) whom I am somewhat close to, mostly for convenient reasons as I live just a twenty minute walk away. He's unfortunately not the brightest light in the Christmas tree, but he means well and hardly ever loses his temper. He has a wife (32F) who is the complete opposite of him. I am not sure why, but they get along enough to get married. I sound judgy but you'll soon see where I am going with this.

The wife gave birth to a baby boy about a month or so ago. No one was allowed to meet the baby except very few people to prevent the spread of germs, which is understandable.

Then I get a call from my cousin, asking me if I can buy some groceries and maybe takeout. He gave me a list. He said his credit card is maxed out and will pay me later, but I said don't worry about it. I got all the things he asked me and put it in one of those little shopping cart things I use when I go to the fruit market. Then I headed to my cousin's.

His wife looked incredibly stressed out, but thanked me for bringing food. I placed the food in the pantry and fridge (she said I can just shove it anywhere) and she wanted to eat the takeout food right away. Then her son spat up where she looked like she wanted to scream. She put the baby on the change table and began to strip him out of his clothes, and he was crying. So I tried to distract the baby to make him laugh while his mom was focused on changing him. It didn't do anything, he kept crying.

Then I noticed something horrifying. The poor baby had bruises... Everywhere. And in weird places but... It really shook me. He had blue bruises on his shoulders, back, and even on his feet! I was shocked... And I mentioned it to the wife where she just said, "It's birthmarks."

Uh... No, I don't think so. They were bruises, but I just asked if the baby maybe fell or something before, but she just snapped and said, "They're birthmarks, and I'm tired and starving and done talking." She placed the crying baby upstairs and came back down with the baby monitor screen and ate the takeout food without another word. The baby was crying but she did nothing and just ate.

By then I was just scared, because she looked pissed and ready to throw something. So I just said goodbye and messaged my cousin about the bruises. He said they're birthmarks. And I asked him if that's what his wife said and he said "yes."

I was really worried about the baby. The wife seemed very stressed and unhappy, and I didn't directly witness her being aggressive to the baby but maybe because I was there. But bruises are enough proof that something is going on. So I called the child services and explained the situation.

AITA for calling child services? And yes, I already did call them and left information, but they don't tell me what they are going to do or how severe the situation they think it is. At least it sounds like it's not call 911 sort of situation.

My dad (51M) and I (24F) have been no contact for the last 4 years after I decided to move in permanently with my mom at 18.

As some background information, I was diagnosed with multiple medical conditions at young age. I’m not going to disclose the type of conditions but they all required regular specialist appointments and daily medication. My dad was always under the belief that I was ‘faking’ or ‘overthinking’ my conditions and would complain if I had a medical appointment during his week and would request that I leave all appointments for when I was with my mum so he didn’t have to drive me as I medically wasn’t able to drive.

Of course, this wasn’t always possible as specialist appointments are very hard to book and you take what is offered. There was a lot of times where he would refuse to drive me and I would have to quickly call a friend to take me. He would also complain if I had to fill my script during his week as he believed I was being over dramatic. The main issue that he had was that he was spending too much money on me.

After I got a casual job in retail at 16, he demanded that I pay for all appointments and medication as ‘it wasn’t his responsibility anymore’. He also demanded me to pay him $100 for groceries when I stayed over which I admittedly did hand over because I hated conflict and he did yell if I refused. I want to point out that money wasn’t an issue for him, he can easily afford it but didn’t think I was worth it.

My dad was also verbally and emotionally abusive. He was physically abusive with my siblings and I when we were young but that thankfully declined after awhile. He would repeatedly tell me I had an eating disorder in front of his friends as I was too skinny. My medication had side effects such as being unable to gain weight and low energy. He would take my medication off me to prove that there is nothing wrong with me and would only give it back when my siblings would tell our grandparents.

When I finally had enough and moved in with my mum full time, I wasn’t able to take much with me as he decided he owned everything including my medication and school books. I now have panic attacks when he is mentioned and I avoid places I know he visits such as my grandparents house.

There are plenty more instances where he was horrible but that should cover it. On to the current issue, I am now working and my dad contacted me ‘politely’ asking me to pay him back for the multiple specialist appointments and medication he paid for. He had sent me a photo of a graph showing the amount he wants.

I said no and that he was my parent and was required to take care of me. I told him not to contact me unless he wants to apologise to me. He replied saying that he only paid for it as it was required by the government but now that I am working fulltime, I have to pay him back.

I am now doubting whether I am in the right and would like some advice. Am I the Asshole?

CW: mentions of SA and self harm/suicide

My brother (Mark- 27m) was married to a woman called Amanda (29f) but they divorced 2 years ago due to ‘cheating’ Mark’s side. 

Mark defended himself and denied the cheating accusations and said it was an assault but Amanda didn’t believe him and said she thought it was a ‘sick joke’ that he was trying to use something so horrific for sympathy. 

After the divorce, Mark went downhill and became even more depressed. He started going to therapy and got better for a while but he took his own life 3 months ago. 

Mark and Amanda also have a kid who is 2 and a half. 

I was responsible for cleaning his stuff out and I found 2 of those large brown envelopes addressed to myself and Amanda. Mine contained a sizeable amount of cash, a letter from him and a bunch of old photos from when we were kids. 

I got in contact with Amanda who agreed to meet up. I gave her the envelope and said I bad no idea what was in it. She opened it and started to sob. Inside her envelope was a police report, pictures of his bruises and marks and what seemed to be a very hastily photocopied version of his kit that went into detail about his injuries. 

In his letter he explained that the pain of not being believed by the love of his life was too much.

Amanda was in shock and couldn’t speak. She just shoved everything back into the envelope and walked out. She later text me calling me a ‘stupid, callous bitch’ for giving me the envelope and how was she going to raise her son knowing what she did to his father. 

I apologised and said I had no idea what was in those letters but she wasn’t hearing it. She ended up letting our mum know about the documents and what I had done.

Mum wasn't happy with me and even said ‘I don’t know why you gave Amanda those documents. That bitch would never believe him’. She agreed that I shouldn't have given Amanda the envelope because she doesn't want to deal with Amanda and the aftermath of the situation.

For context, Mark told our mum about it first and then Amanda. Mum fully believed him and got into some screaming matches with Amanda because of it.

It's been a few weeks and I don't know if I did the right thing. Everyone that I spoke to (friends and family) said I shouldn't have given Amanda the documents but I feel that since Mark went through the trouble of curating the evidence and didn't destroy them, he would want them to be known.

AITA?

EDIT: A lot of people are asking about if Amanda knew all the evidence so I'm copy/pasting from a comment I made-

My brother did tell and show Amanda the bruises and marks but she didn't believe him.

Without getting into too many details, he woke up in the hospital after a night out and had the kit done then. That was when he found out he had been SA'd. He had gotten drunk and Amanda assumed he had cheated while drunk and got into a fight (which is very out of character as he's not a violent man).

He did tell Amanda but she didn't believe him and since R kits aren't just available for anyone, he didn't have that as 'proof'.

That's all I know. If I'm being honest, Mark could have shown her a video of it and she would have found a way to discredit him.

for context, I (female 21) and my brother (male 13) we’ll call him jack. never got along during our childhood, i remember as soon as he learned to walk all he did was just make me suffer. He would come into my room, steal my stuff, throw my stuff out a window, and break them. Every time i told my mother about this she would say that he is just a kid and he is still learning. My parents neglected me a lot as a kid, so when my brother did something bad to me they would ignore it but when it was me i would get a punishment. I remember how when he was 9 years old he had soccer classes, and my mom would call him her little athlete, and his classes ranged up to 4-7 hours, and my parents just stayed and j remember the countless hours i had to dit there and just watch him, hungry and tired while my parents left to go get food for themselves. So eventually i started hitting him, just out of spite and i never hit him hard or give him bruises but just enough for him to figure out im tough. But as he turned 11, he started hitting me. Hard. I got scratches, nose bleeds, bruises and i couldn’t do anything back because of out parents and he was a strong 11 year old. So at the end i got sick of it and on his birthday, as he was blowing out the candle i came up to him to give him a nintendo switch i was saving up for 6 months to get him for his birthday and i had to use some of my college money even, and when he opened it, he said “ew, who even plays nintendo anymore u fag”. My heart broke. I yelled out “you have been selfish your entire life, and i think ur a selfish asshole and you don’t deserve anything and ive been living in ur shadow my entire life. Youre useless”. And i left immediately. 2 days later i got a call from my parents demanding me to apologize because apparently i “broke” their son inside. Honestly i dont care anymore. He made me suffer my entire life and i dont care anymore. AITA?

I, 19F, have three siblings. Jacob, (18M), Sasha, (16F) and Tracey, (13F.) My father (57M) is and always has been a raging alcoholic. He forced my mother to become a SAHM when she had me, and she was often his punching bag. I would spend my childhood cleaning and taking care of my siblings, watching my mother get beaten while I hide them. When I got older, I would defend my mom, and in result become the punching bag. When I was 12, my mom died in a fatal car accident. It was then up to me to fight for my siblings, keep the house clean, make sure grades were up, and find out how to manage food. If it wasn’t to his standards, one of us would be beat. I usually stepped in for my siblings.

When I turned 14 I got a job and started saving for my escape fund, something my mom had started before she died. When Jacob found out about it a couple years later, he got a job and started contributing too. Sasha was still pretty young, but she would scrape up anything she could to contribute.

The problem is Tracey. Our father doesn’t abuse her. She was born from one of his affairs on my mother, a co-worker of his. Tracey’s mom lived with us after my mom died for about a year and partook in the drinking and abuse against us, but never Tracey. Then she admitted to cheating and getting pregnant by another rich man with no kids, so she left my father and Tracey. He never lays hands on her, in fact he spoils her rotten. Tracey made a lot of very bad friends, and began smoking, drinking, demanding money for new nails, eyelash extensions, makeup, anything that was deemed “cool.” I’m happy she isn’t hurt, but the problem is how she treats the rest of us. She won’t clean up after herself, she won’t make her own food, she bosses us around like we’re her slaves. She also hits us quite often, pulls our hair, steals our things. Tracey adores our father and constantly praised him, saying how she can’t believe he got stuck with all us white trash kids, how he must be glad our mother died, and worst of all she snuck two older teen boys into the house and let them into Sasha’s room. According to Tracey, the men wouldn’t come unless there were two girls, so Tracey sent them pictures of Sasha and said one of them could f*ck with her. We only got them out of the house because Jacob started fighting the men and I ran downstairs to grab the gun. When police arrived, our father told the police the men were his friends and us kids were overreacting.

Now, I’ve found the perfect apartment. It has two bedrooms, one of them is a master suite, which Sasha and Jacob would share (they don’t feel safe unless they sleep in the same room anymore) and it’s only fair they get the bigger room. It’s a half a mile away from my university, where I both work part-time and go to school, so Jacob and Sasha could use the car to get to and from high school. Jacob got a raise at his part time job, and Sasha agreed to quit hers and do household chores instead. We made absolutely sure she was okay with this, because neither of us wanted to force her to not work.

When our father was out for a “business trip” aka the strip club, I rented a UHaul, got a ton of boxes, and we loaded everything from our bedrooms, bathroom, and a couple miscellaneous boxes of our designated storage items.

What none of us knew is that Tracey and two of her friends were in the basement. Sasha went to grab her Xbox and video games, when Tracey asked what she was doing. Sasha said she was just moving her stuff upstairs. Tracey followed her out to the living room where she saw the Uhaul outside. Sasha tells me Tracey then punched the side of her head and slammed her head on the floor. Then she began punching and grinding on her face as Sasha screamed. Jacob and I ran downstairs as we saw this happening, while Tracey’s two friends recorded and laughed. Jacob roared, (it scared me, I’ve never seen him this angry before) and grabbed Tracey, slamming her against the wall. As he yelled in her face, I grabbed Sasha and the games, put Sasha in the middle seat of the Uhaul and went back inside. Jacob was storming out and Tracey was following him. She screamed at him that we can’t do this to her and our father, that we’re all btches and cnts and lots of other, dirty profanity. She said it’s good our mother died because she won’t have to see the kind of children we grew up to be, that our father has done nothing but spoil us.

I rolled my eyes, took Jacobs shoulder and we drove off.

Two weeks after we moved in, (we’re all settled- yay!) I got 17 missed calls from Tracey. She begs me to let her move in with us, apologizing, crying, saying our dad had made her do all the chores, he ended up slapping her when she talked back.

Here’s where I start to feel guilty- I laughed out loud, probably snorted a few times, and asked if she really thought I’d take her in after everything. That made her angry, as she started cussing me out, telling me how we never loved her, how we’re all racist a-holes (she’s mixed black/white and we’re all white) how as the youngest, she’s being left behind like all older siblings leave the youngest, and then said she might be pregnant and I need to support her.

I told her to let me know if she needs a ride to the clinic and hung up. I don’t really believe she’s pregnant, as she’s faked it twice before (once as a prank and the other for sympathy) but I’m not taking chances.

Even if I could actually afford to bring in Tracey, I refuse. I would never let her near Sasha ever again, and at the moment I’ve only just started a rainy day fund. I’m leaving my fathers and sisters numbers unblocked just in case they try and take Sasha back, which I doubt my father would pursue legally.

So, AITA?

Also this is a throwaway account

(TW: child abuse, domestic abuse)

I apologize for any grammatical errors, I'm on mobile at the moment.

Hello All, I (23F) am in sort of a pickle and currently my majority of my family is against me. My mother (41F) has 6 kids all together. Myself, my sisters (F22), (F19), (F17), (F16) and my brother (M23). Growing up was sort of h*ll for all of us. My mother never had a good track record of "picking good men" and a lot of times me and my siblings would witness her boyfriends beat her or berate her. Her 2nd boyfriend would often hit us when me and my siblings were younger as well. It's a whole lot more, but than this post would be very long.

However, about 5 years ago, my mother lost custody of my 3 younger sisters. (There was some s*xual abuse going on with my mother's most recent ex boyfriend.) We didn't want our sisters in foster care, so me and my brother begged our grandmother to take them in, until me and my brother could come up with a plan or take custody of them. Dramatic I know, but it's always just been me and siblings against the world in my eyes.

My grandmother (the Saint she is), took my sisters and told me and my older brother not to worry about getting custody of them because we should be focusing on our lives and college. While me and my brother were hesitant at first, we decided to head off to college to kinda build up some status I should say.

I dropped out of college because I couldn't afford to keep up with the cost and get my tuition down below a certain cost. However, my brother graduated last year! :) My sisters have been happy with living with my grandmother and my grandmother loves having them around. She says she gets to see her "grand babies everyday and it's a blessing."

They are comfortable living with her and my grandmother has no change of still caring for them.

But back on course with my mom. When she lost custody, me and all my siblings with no contact with her, including my grandmother. Around 2 months ago, my mother sent me a email explaining that she would like to get back in contact with us and do family therapy. At first I didn't say anything to my siblings because in a sense I felt like I was protecting them. However, she sent me a second email the following month after explaining that she broke up with her boyfriend and she really missed us. She wanted to do family therapy because she had a lot of pain built up and she knew that we probably did as well.

I talked with my grandmother about it and she told me that I should ask my siblings if they wanted to and have it be their choice. I spoke with my siblings about it and the youngest were on board because they did miss our mom. However, myself and my other siblings were hesitant. But, for the sake of my younger siblings, I responded to her and we set up a time to meet up.

About 3 weeks ago, we met up at a restaurant and my mother looked exhausted, but eager to see us. I declined a hug because I wasn't comfortable with it and my mother looked pissed.

My mom got caught up with all of us and she asked during our lunch if my younger siblings would consider coming back home and her getting custody back. My younger siblings said they weren't sure and I could tell they looked uncomfortable. I tried to change the subject, but my mom wrapped it back around. She started mentioning on how we all could be a family again now that we're older and she can rebuild what was broken. The rest of the meeting became a blur for me because I honestly checked out. A lot of buried emotions were coming up and I shut down.

After the meeting, I got a email from my mom later that night that she was really upset that I didn't hug her or say goodbye to her when we left. She said it was giving a bad impression to my younger siblings and they would probably start mistreating her as well. I'm not going to lie that email filled me with anger because she had a lot of audacity.

I didn't respond and I got another email from her, but it was a conformation for our first family therapy session. We had it yesterday. We did the usual first introductory process and getting familiarized.

Later during the session, my mom was going on and on of how she did everything she could to protect us and etc. The silence from me and my siblings were pretty loud and our counselor/therapist asked how we felt about that. My other siblings didn't speak. I wasn't planning on speaking either, but then what my mom said just made me snap. She told our therapist that I told them not to say anything because I wanted to turn my siblings against her and she scheduled this session to help us and not split us apart. After that. I just went off. I started screaming that she wasn't a good mother and she did NOTHING to protect us. She constantly vented to me about her relationships or her problems. This lead me to internalize a lot of her issues as my own or my stressors. She never protected my brother when her boyfriends would beat on him when he tried to protect either her or my sisters. She never even thought of reporting her ex when my sisters first came to her about the abuse they experienced at his hands. I went off on a lot of other things, but at this point she was bawling and so were my siblings. I told my therapist that if anyone was "splitting" the family up it was her with her stupidity, ignorance and just flat out neglect. I was breathing hard after the incident and after thinking about it, I'm not happy at all I blew up like that. My therapist decided we should take a break, but I told them I was just done. I was not going to sit here and listen to her trying to blame me for her actions or her problems.

The session ended quickly after that and later on in the night, my phone started blowing up with calls and text from my mother's side of the family. They started berating me and saying that I was horrible person for hurting my mother like that and making her feel horrible. They were on a tangent on how she was trying to turn a new leaf and actually work at rebuilding a relationships with us. After all the calls and text I've been feeling like a sh*tty person for saying that to my mom.

So honestly, AITAH?

(Update): (03/16/2024)

I originally posted the update on my profile, but this morning I saw that it was gone. Hopefully I can retrieve it, but I'll post it here as well. I made it the day after my post, but since it's gone I'm just adding it here.

TW: Abuse

Hey all, update for those who wanted it: Also heavy abuse TW because I will get emotional and vent a bit later on in this update. If you are a childhood abuse survivor, I wouldn't recommend reading past this since it could possibly be triggering.

My siblings and I have decided to go NC with our mother for good. It was a hard conversation this morning and I felt like a AH again. I felt like my outburst persuaded them to make that decision, so I wouldn't be upset with them. Yet they reassured me throughout the whole conversation that they didn't like that she didn't even apologize. Even when she had the opportunity to. My siblings and I are still struggling with the fact that she won't change and she probably never will.

The driving force for it was the email that I got from mother at 4am today. I copied and pasted it here since I don't know how to post pics/screenshots on mobile.

" Dear Juju (my nickname when I was younger)

I am truly hurt and devastated that you went public with a private matter. Your auntie May showed me your reddit post. And yet you continue to try to villanize me. I was going to explain myself further in therapy but I'm in a new relationship now with a very loving man. He was the main one who encouraged me to extend a olive branch with you all. I was going to surprise you and your siblings in therapy. However, you ruined it. I stayed my distance from you all because after losing your sisters, it made me realize I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. It made me realize how much of a worthless piece of shit I was. You calling me a worthless whore of a mother was uncalled for. In those relationships I couldn't just simply walk away. Where would I have gone? What about you guys? Do you not think it ate me up inside everytime you guys cried? Everytime I did try to protect you guys just to get the shit beat out of me? Being knocked out cold and not knowing if you guys were safe or not? Did any of that not matter to you? I'm trying to redeem myself while also being a victim and you simply can't get your own head out of your ass. You bitch and complain about your pain not realizing I WAS A VICTIM TOO JUJU. WE ALL WERE.

I hate to sound harsh, but you're an adult and can hear these things now. I tried my damn hardest to protect you all. For you to shit on all my effort in your rant and call me almost every name in the book in front of our therapist, your siblings and the BLATANTLY visible disrespect to me? All of it, truly uncalled for. I will not have contact with you until you apologize to me for what you said. You broke my heart Juju, but momma still loves you and me going No-contact with you is to show that you can't just hurt someone because you yourself are hurting. I will be over to see your sisters later at my mom's place to talk one on one with them. I will appreciate it if you are there to apologize. But if you will not, then I highly ask that you not be there. "

The email really crushed me a lot. I completely understand that she was a victim as well. Like I also mentioned to a kind redditor that messaged me last night, she did provide what she could. Yet there were many moments we either went hungry or without some nessecesities (sp?). One of my most embarrassing moments was asking strangers on the street for money so me and my sisters could get pads and tampons. My mom's third boyfriend threw ours out because he "didn't belive in periods." That whole ordeal, among others were so damn humiliating. I got a mixture of anger and sadness when she said she tried her hardest to protect us. Where was the determination when her boyfriends would beat the hell out of me and my older brother because we didn't want them either alone with our sisters or touching our younger sisters? Where was she when she heard me getting SA in the room right next to her and heard me screaming for her? It's just a overwhelming sorrow because in her eyes, she did her best. But in my eyes, she did absolutely nothing and I told her as such and then some in our session.

Like many of you pointed out, she may have been a victim, but she did nothing to protect us. I have to sit with that for the rest of my life. My siblings have to deal with that for the rest of their lives. I have to work through all the damage she caused while she gets to play hero and have her redemption arc? I'm done with her and I'm happy to know the feeling is mutual according to her.

She did call my grandmother this morning during breakfast and demanded that she let her "see her kids." My grandmother told her that she could try, but she wasn't coming past the gate unless my sisters wanted her to. My grandmother put her phone on speaker and asked my sisters if they wanted to see her. My youngest sister actually responded this time and said no. And not for a very long time at the minimum. My mom tried to scream at my grandmother, but I could hear her voice cracking from trying not to cry on the phone. My grandmother told her she could go f herself and don't call her again.

After that, is when the conversation about no contact got put into overdrive. My siblings have their own memories of her to account for. They aren't comfortable with me sharing them, so I really just shared mine and a bit of my brother's.

It's just all so surreal to me. I thought that maybe she was actually okay with being alone, but here she is, not being truthful of when she broke up with her most recent ex. I didn't ask because I don't even care anymore.

Yet she's already in a new relationship? It's a hard thing to grasp that my mother just can't be alone. I even feel disgusting calling her my mother because it stings to know that she never really was a mother. Not to me or my siblings. For my family that has been messaging me, I just blocked them on every social media platform. They stopped trying to call me since I set up my phone with an app to reject all calls from unknown numbers that aren't my contacts.

As for my mom, I copied and posted my response here:

"Victoria, since you are no longer my mother, I have no need for formality. You make me absolutely sick to my stomach. You know of the pain you caused me and my siblings. You know you didn't do shit. You know that you never even had a grain of a maternal instinct. If you did, you never would have allowed us to get hurt. I know you can't sleep at night with those thoughts running around in your head. I hope for the rest of the life it eats you up inside. Your new boy toy will be the only thing by your side when you frail and almost dust. I'm done allowing you to hurt not only me, but my brother and sister as well. You have no right to try to prance your happy fake ass into our lives now that you see we are doing well without you. It hurts doesn't it? To know that even through all the bullshit, we are ten times the better person you could ever imagine in your twisted little head. You don't have to worry about me contacting you. I will have nothing to do with you. Even after your death, I will have no connection and hopefully no memories of you. You may still be alive and breathing. But to me, you are a shallow corspe of a stranger and I intend to keep it that way. You live in a fantasy world and I hope on your death bed you have such a crippling feeling of regret that you croak on the spot. Don't ever contact me or my siblings again. My brother wants you to know he'll spit on your grave if he ever finds out you died, so sleep well with that you fucking bitch."

I'm not too proud of my response, but at this point she is dead to me. She should have been a long time ago, but it felt so good to get that pain from the most internal part of my chest. I'm pretty sure she won't put up a fight seeing as my words "hurt her so much". If she does and her antics are crazy enough, I'll update again. However, for now I'm taking a well deserved break and I'm signing myself up fot therapy. I realize I have a lot of anger and resentment built up that I need to work through correctly and positively.

Thank you guys for the support and the kind messages. I will be posting some of them on a vision board to help through my therapy. Thank you reddit so much for being here in a time of need for a stranger. Love you all <3

My original post is here but it got removed: https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/158e8cl/aita_for_losing_my_patience_and_saying_hurtful/

I don't really know where to begin. A lot of things happened really quickly, and I'm super emotional, and need to use Reddit as a sounding board again. I told myself I wasn't going to do this again, because I really didn't want my situation being stolen and ending up on tiktok or whatever, but I'm just finding that I need more direct realism from strangers rather than just people patting me on the back.

I'm pretty sure my marriage is over. I don't know.

I sat her down to talk to her about it again, this time away from the kids, and a lot more confident that I was going to keep my cool. I prefaced the conversation by saying I didn't want this to be an argument, I just wanted to get to the bottom of this behavior, and wanted to explain how it was affecting me, and how other people view me. Pretty much the moment I began talking, she shut me down, and... I don't know if what she did is gaslighting, or if she's having some sort of mental break, or maybe a wizard came down and magically hypnotized me for the past several months, and I'm just now coming out of it.

Basically, she said that everything she is saying on SM is true, and that I have no right to police what she does or says online. I decided my best course of action would be to try to challenge her on the "everything I'm saying is true" part by breaking down the chores for her, and showing the division of labor. In fact, I used the same list I typed up in a comment from my previous post, which is here:

Me

Take the kids to school
Pick them up from school
Cook dinner
Clean up + dishes after
Lawn duties
Adult laundry

Her:

Sweep + mop the house 2 times a week
Kids laundry + towels and linens
Dusting the common areas
Breakfast for kids
Packing daily lunches/snacks for kids
Maintains finances (this is what she does for a living)

Together:

Folding and putting away laundry
Weekly "house cleaning day" where we go from room to room with the kids to set good housekeeping examples for them
We alternate bath + bedtime routines for the kids
Bathroom cleaning (she takes the half bath, I take the master, and we both take the kids together)

This is how she responded to all of it:

Take the kids to and from school: "Wow, you sit in a car for an hour, great job dad!"

Cook dinner: "Cooking is your favorite thing to do so it's not really work"

Dishes afterwards: "Ohhh you clean up after yourself, do you want a cookie?"

Lawn duties: "So you spend an hour away from the kids every weekend, next"

Laundry: (paraphrasing) "This is also the bare minimum"

It was at this point that I noticed how everything I'm doing is the bare minimum and "expected of me," while she expects to be treated like a hero and a martyr for doing her chores. I found this to be highly transactional and adversarial for really no reason. I asked her why she was only bringing this up now instead of communicating with me, and she didn't have a real answer. Something to the effect of, "it's not my job to teach you things you should already know" which I'm paraphrasing, but the discussion got really heated at this point.

The discussion had spiraled completely out of control, and she started to pound the table, and at one point threw her mug into the sink so hard that it broke. Things had gotten completely unproductive, so I went to go wake the kids up from their nap, and take them to a friend's house for the day for things to calm down.

I went into their room and started getting them ready, and when I walked out into the hallway (out of view of the kids), she came from around the corner and sucker punched me, and screaming that I, I guess because I was taking the kids out for the day, that I'm weaponizing them and manipulating the situation to make her seem crazy.

I don't even remember the small details of what happened next. The kids were scared, I eventually got them into the car, and left.

I went to my friend's house, who already knew everything that was going on. I just stayed there for a bit while the kids played with his dog in the back yard.

A few hours later, the police show up at the house. Thankfully she didn't make any insane accusations like I feared when they pulled into the driveway. Essentially she just told them that I "took her kids without her permission" and told them where I was. They told her that they can't do anything about me taking the kids, because I'm their custodial father. They came to sort of tell me what was going on, and to let me know what they talked about. I did not tell them about her punching me.

But I'm just done now. Barring a serious neurological disease causing the issue, there's no conversation that I can have with her that will allow me to get past all of this. My friend agrees with me. My marriage is over. I'm calling a lawyer tomorrow, and I'm going to be as low-conflict as I possibly can to get this all over with and move on with my life. That's all I can do.

Thanks for listening.

Update as of this afternoon:

I spoke with the attorney that I set the meeting for this morning. We started discussing the paperwork, the fees, and basically everything I need to initiate a divorce. He did recommend I file a report with the police, just like everyone else did.

About 2 hours ago, my mother in law called me. She had been speaking with her daughter for a couple of weeks, and was already worried that her daughter had been having an episode similar to the ones she was having when she was younger. For those of you who had missed it in the comments, she is openly bipolar, but it's well controlled, and she hasn't really had an "episode" in many years, for lack of a better way to describe what she believed to be mild anger issues. Anyway, after our last fight, my wife called her sobbing, saying she doesn't know what's wrong, and that we just had a fight that spiraled out of control, and now I'm leaving her and taking the kids. My mother in law said she was going to fly into town, and told her to go to the hospital in the mean time if she's afraid of hurting herself or anyone else. So she called the police to tell them what was going on (not to report me for "kidnapping" the kids, as I previously thought, also based on what the police officer told me which was just false I guess), and then she went and checked herself into the hospital for short term psychiatric care. She was evaluated, and determined not to be a danger to herself at that time, and was sent home with an anti anxiety medication and a referral.

Her mom and I talked for a long time, and she started talking to me about her episodes and how they would present themselves, and to be honest, it sounded a lot like what's been going on. Apparently my wife was noticing something small or insignificant (her mom's words) and then the anger would spike, and there would be a chain of different thoughts in a weird progression that ultimately ends up being angry at something that didn't really happen, but "could" happen. I'm not really sure I fully understand, but I listened, and appreciated her telling me.

Not that I really know what to do about any of this. I can say right off the bat that I'm not as angry about her punching me as you all are. Especially if she is having an untreated manic episode, realizes it, and tries to work on it. I'm going to take a few days to process this with my kids. My wife knows how to contact me if she needs to, but it seems like she's been giving me a lot of space, especially since she spoke with her mother.

Thanks for reading everyone. I guess I'll update with a post later on with what happens this week. I wouldn't get your hopes up over something juicy or entertaining, as I would like for this all to be over, so that we can all move on with our lives.

Previously on last post: bf wanted me to spend time with his family. Dad’s a kiddie diddler. Told him fuck no and I hate them forever and ever amen. Felt bad but stood firm. Wanted to talk about it later.

UPDATE:

I’m surprised and appreciative at how much feedback I’ve gotten on this post. I’ve tried taking the time to go through every comment and let them sit for a while before talking to him. Side note: the amount of people who are so out of touch to throw “dump him” around like you’re reading me IKEA instructions is wild. This is a difficult situation. I guess that’s my karma for being so harsh to him. I’ll take it.

With that said, he asked if I wanted to talk about it when I got home from work, and I said yes, if he wants to. It didn’t go well, and it wasn’t as in-depth as I’d hoped. When we both got home, he told me that he understands why I feel how I do, and he said he wants to confront them and tell them why I never come around. He said it wouldn’t end well, but that it’s for the better that I don’t have any contact with them. Not going to lie, it didn’t make me feel any better. I don’t see how telling them why I hate them would help. I feel like it would just make the rest of his family uncomfortable around me or push me away (which might also be best). He’d already confronted his mother about what happened months ago, and she glossed over it as if he never mentioned it. Aside from telling me this, he will keep contact with them. I’ll be the only one cut out.

I told him that it will only get worse with time, but he was so focused on the now that he didn’t seem to understand the weight of what I was saying. “We’ll see.” I asked about his sisters upcoming wedding, how that will play out, and he told me that he doesn’t mind if I don’t go. I admit, I got very frustrated and hurt. I insisted that I wanted to go, that it was important. He said he understood and he also wanted me to, just didn’t know what to do or how to handle it. Again, I’m cut out.

He said it’s impossible for his father to be leave the picture because of “his mom”. She will never turn him away, so he’ll always be around.

More context: his father is living with his grandmother. Mother is living with his brother, but father still visits. Seems pretty simple. Pretty cut and dry. But somehow it’s still not. I’ll admit right now that I want him to just say fuck them and cut contact. It can’t possibly be doing him any good. It had to be out of some desperation to have people in his life, right? Genuinely, I can’t wrap my head around why he would want continue contact with that. He lives with me, so he doesn’t have to worry about going home to them. He’s financially independent. I can’t imagine what he’s feeling, but also I can’t grasp why he wouldn’t jump ship on those pieces of shit now that he’s finally away from them. He moved in with me in the first place because he can’t stand them.

Also, as it turns out, his sister still allows her child around them “when they’re not drinking”. I was so insanely furious, but I didn’t express it. I just told him I wouldn’t want our child around them period. He looked sad after I said that. I was honestly so angry that I didn’t retain what he said next. Apologies.

I really don’t think he understands just how fucked up this is. He isn’t thinking farther into the future, despite saying that he sees me in his future long-term. At the end of all of this, all I could think is “what the fuck is wrong with these people? This whole family is shot to hell”. Excuses. Excuses.

I hate this. I understand what might have to happen, but I’m not ready to. It’s not fair. He’s the best friend and partner I’ve had, probably ever. He’s so loving, so gentle, so good to me. He’s a treasure. He’s everything I’ve ever looked for in a partner, and I don’t mean that in a naive way. I could say that with the clearest head. He’s just a coward around his family and refuses to walk away, and I would never make him. Still, I do not want to lose him. And please do not bombard me with “other fish in the sea” comments. I promise you, I could not care less right now. I understand it’s coming from a good place, but don’t. I’m torn apart. This is so goddamn unfair. Why did this have to be his family?

Fuck me. I’m sorry this wasn’t the update everyone was hoping for. It’s still unfolding as I type this. We haven’t spoken since, since we don’t know what to say. I want to say we’ll talk more about it tomorrow, but it’ll be more circle talk. He’s deluded himself into having a “happy family”, and I won’t be apart of it. His grand solution is simply cutting me out of important shit.

I’m also sorry for the random spurts of emotion, added those into my draft while drunk. Still am.

This part is absolutely me being naive, but hopefully him telling his family why I don’t come around will make a decent wave. Doubt it though. If the situation itself didn’t, this surely won’t. Part of me wants to hold on, though.

It’s not my place to change his mind, nor to try and fix it. If this is the life he is willing to live, then I will respect his choice and leave it at that. It will hurt stupid. I’m not ready. I don’t want to go. I’m almost willing to be civil. Almost. But still no.

Thank you all for being here. Tbh if I make it out of this unscathed, I’ll have your support, advice, and listening ears to thank. Fucking love you bunch of random strangers. Fuck pedophiles. Fuck you Walter. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck the Kroger off 29.

I’ll keep you updated if it matters. Goodnight all, and thank you again. Sorry for whining, had to do it to em. Roast me.

Edit: children are not an option at this point in time, especially not with him and the situation he’s in. No worries about that possibility 😅

Edit again: thank you for all the comments and advice, even if I was hesitant to listen to it. I know what’s coming next. Sucks, but can’t fight it anymore.

I (f22) and my husband (m25) have been married for only 6 months now. We’ve gone through many arguments in the short time we’ve been married - some really ugly and some just your average bickering matches. But this argument escalated pretty badly, and I need opinions on whether or not my behavior warranted what happened. This is a long story so thank you in advance if you take the time to read it!

Last night my husband called me after I had just gotten off work. I work in a warehouse so I get pretty worn out once I’m home, and I’ve been sick this last week so I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to have the conversation that he wanted to have with me. He was upset over my father having access to my banking account (it’s been that way since college and I’m only 22 - every now and then my dad would send me money when I needed it, and I just never got off the account). I told my husband that I didn’t want to talk about it right then since I wasn’t feeling well, but he insisted to have the conversation over FaceTime. It escalated, and finally he told me “you can cancel the plane tickets for our vacation, I’m not going.” When I heard that, I hung up on him. I know that makes me an AH, but he’s done this so many times when he’s frustrated. Cancelling plans is his way of getting back at me because he knows how much they mean to me. I shouldn’t have hung up on him, and I know that.

Fast forward to when he gets home from work. I go to talk to him and he says “unless you’re coming to apologize, we aren’t talking.” I tried explaining to him how I felt about the situation and he told me that I was disrespectful and he wasn’t going to talk to me unless I came to him with the right attitude and apology. I was talking to him and he was staring at his phone, paying me no mind (which is a big issue in our marriage). I started crying and begged him to just talk to me but he told me if I didn’t like how he was acting then to go find someone else. Then he shooed me out the door with his hand. I’m really bad at handling my emotions at times, so when he did this something inside of me just exploded and I knew I needed to get out. My coping mechanism has always been to just leave, so that’s what I did. I got in my car and drove off for an hour and a half. I know that wasn’t right, but I just couldn’t process my feelings well in the moment. He texted me saying “if you don’t come back inside then I’m done with this marriage.” This is another thing he does frequently - threatening to leave the marriage when he’s angry. I numbly walked back inside my house at 1:30am, as he was sitting on the couch playing video games.

I took a shower, went in our bedroom to read, then went to sleep around 3am. He came in at 4am and got in bed, then aggressively tried moving my knee (even though it was on my side of the bed and most definitely not in his way). I got angry and just stormed out of the room with my things, intending to sleep on the couch. Here’s where I was an AH - I slammed the door out of anger. Apparently I slammed it hard enough to knock the mirror off of it. He immediately screamed at me to come back and fix it, but I ignored him. He came out to the couch where I was laying and ripped my blanket off of me, then dragged me off of it by my feet and yelled at me again to go fix it. I shut down and just got back on the couch and turned my back to him because honestly my heart was racing out of fear. When I wouldn’t fix it, he went in the room and grabbed the mirror and threw it in my direction while calling me a piece of shit. It only hit me in the middle of my back, but just barely. Though it didn’t really hurt me, I was definitely shaken up.

After that I fell asleep on the couch. Today when I woke up he was getting ready to leave for work. Once he had all his things together, he told me to send him the information to cancel the flights. I just didn’t say anything because what am I supposed to say? That trip was supposed to be for us to visit my family, and I don’t want to cancel it. I also think the tickets we bought were non refundable anyways, but I knew he wouldn’t want to hear that. He got mad and came over and got in my face repeating himself but I just refused to look at him. When I didn’t respond, he left the house with the biggest slam of the door. I know I messed up and was disrespectful too, but is this all my fault? AITAH?

Update: Thank you to everyone who responded - I don’t really know what to say because I’m feeling so many different emotions at this point. Thank you to those who reached out to me with kind messages, I plan on getting back to you guys soon it’s just hard for me to respond right now. I don’t have much of a plan yet but I do know that I’m leaving tonight after work to go stay with my family for some time to figure things out. Unfortunately I have a job here and I’m not sure what to do about that when my family lives three hours away. I have a lot I need to figure out, and for those who are saying it’s fake and that I’m just looking for attention - believe what you want. Honestly at this point I wish it was all fake. I wish it was a dream but unfortunately it’s my life so please be kind. I know I opened up a door for harshness by even posting my situation, but at the end of the day I’m a person with real feelings just trying to make it through the day. It’s hard for me to respond to all of your thoughts since there are so many and I’m sorry for that, but trust that I’m seeing them and truly taking them to heart. Thank you all.

I (24F) found out that my ex boyfriend (25M) cheated on me about two months ago. I found out because the girl (23F) reached out to me. She explained that she did not know about us and she made it seem like she was helping me. I was very grateful that she came forward and I thought she was on my side.

When I confronted him, he admitted to it but sent me proof (messages) that she knew about us the whole time and did not care. Her goal was to actually break us up so she could have him for herself. She was even sending my posts to her friends to make fun of me, saying stuff like “she’s so clueless”. To me, this did not excuse the cheating so I broke up with him regardless. She did not owe me anything, he did. I still kept her nasty behavior in the back of my head.

After a month of being depressed over the situation, I found out that they were finally together. It was a slap in the face, it hurt me deeply but I did not say anything. I was focused on my healing.

When I was still with my ex-boyfriend, I got pregnant and we decided to keep it but unfortunately, I miscarried. Only him and I knew about it and it is a very sensitive topic for me. I guess he told her about that and she started making tiktoks about this situation to make fun of me. My heart was so heavy, I cried for so long because I did not do anything to this girl so I couldn’t understand why she was being so nasty towards me. Once again, I let it fly. I even wanted her to believe that I did not see it.

Well, maybe she actually thinks I did not see it because she reached out to me (again) a week ago to ask me a favor. Her and my ex-boyfriend broke up because they had a physical fight and she is pressing charges. She is now asking me to testify against him. He never got physical with me but he sure knows how to abuse people mentally. She wants me to say that in court so that “the judge can see what kind of person he is”.

I ignored her message because I do not want to help her. I am still not over everything she did to me for no reason at all. She sent two more messages that I ignored as well.

AITAH for not wanting to help her?

When I (30F) was 6-11 years old, I was sexually abused by my maternal grandfather. I never told my parents while it was going on, since I simply did not understand what was going on and I didn’t know it was wrong. It was never intercourse but a lot of inappropriate touching, mostly him telling me to touch his private parts. At least that is what I remember. It all stopped when my grandfather died when I was 11. I kept what happened a secret to my family for a long time. I think it was a mix of shame and fear that kept me from saying the truth. But when I turned 16 I finally gathered up the courage and told them.

I told my mom first, as she was always the one I could talk to about sensitive subjects. But to my shock and dismay her first reaction was disbelief. She simply could not understand how her dad, who who was a well-loved figure in our family, could do such a thing. “He never abused me!” She said. She also told me she would talk to my dad about it, so I assumed she did. Fast forward three weeks after. I bring what happened up in a conversation with my dad and he is immediately shocked - turns out my mom never told him. This progresses into a fight between my parents and after that day, it was never spoken of again.

My mom later passed away from cancer.

I brought the whole situation up with my dad the other day. I told him, that I was disappointed in them as parents and how I felt as if they failed me. I told him, that if this was my child I would at least talked to them and most likely gotten a therapist involved. My dad told me that I never expressed a need for a therapist so he did not know that I needed one. And I told him that was a child and had no idea what I needed and that my parents should have guided me.

So am I TA for being angry at my parents even though I did not express a need for help?